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By Rick
Freedom
Newfound love can feel magical.
Anyone who’s ever been in a relationship would
probably agree with this statement. Finding
that special someone seems to put an extra pep
in your step, and there’s nothing better than
anticipating the next moment you two will
share. In a relationship’s infancy, every new
experience together is a novelty, but what
happens when that novelty fades? How do you go
about improving your relationship?
Many people make the mistake of assuming that
love is nothing more than a feeling, and they
couldn’t be more wrong. More than the sensation
of butterflies in your stomach, love is also a
choice. Ask any couple that has survived the
test of time, and they will tell you that it
takes work. The novelty fades, and in the end,
you have to choose to improve your
relationship. You have to choose to love, and
in this article, you will learn six easy steps
to take towards doing just that.
Trust
Trust (or a lack thereof) often stems from our
history of personal experiences. Previous
relationships turned sour can negatively impact
the success of a new relationship. Add onto
that the media’s emphasis on infidelity, and it
can be a challenge to trust anyone
wholeheartedly. But if you want your
relationship to thrive, you’ll do just
that.
If you feel you have reason to suspect that
your partner is cheating, bring your concerns
to the table. Otherwise, do not waste time and
energy by feeding suspicions or jealousy. If
your partner treats you well and makes you
happy, that should be enough proof of his or
her sincerity. Without trust, no relationship
can survive.
Freedom
Once you’ve established trust in the other
person, you must then allow them to be free.
Ever since you were a child, you desired
independence. This goal then carried itself
over into your adulthood, when you couldn’t
wait to move out and start your own life. The
need for independence is a typical
characteristic of human nature, but on that
same note, the desire to control is also
inherent.
But unconditional love does not control.
Unconditional love trusts, and therefore,
grants the freedom to grow and change. Think
about any time you felt unjustly regulated by
another person. What was your response? In any
type of relationship, one surefire way to drive
away the other person is to hinder his or her
freedom.
Respect
Respect and freedom often go hand-in-hand.
After all, how can you allow someone their
freedom if you don’t respect them enough to do
so?
Consider the following scenario: Your spouse is
considering a career change that you don’t
entirely agree with. On one hand, you enable
their freedom to make the change, but on the
other hand, you do so very disrespectfully. “Do
whatever you want. I’ll be here to say ‘I told
you so’ when you fail,” you say. In this
situation, the freedom granted to your spouse
was compromised by your lack of respect for
their feelings and capabilities. A much better
response would be to encourage both their
freedom and ability to succeed. Respect your
partner, and improve your relationship at the
same time.
Commit
Commitment to your partner goes beyond
remaining faithful. True commitment means
dedicating yourself to the betterment of the
relationship as a whole. Couples which lack a
strong commitment often fail as the result of a
disagreement or argument. If you truly want
your relationship to grow and improve, you will
find ways to survive any difficulty that
arises.
The only thing that’s constant in life is
change, and as people, we are constantly
developing into ourselves. Relationships (like
anything else worthwhile in life) require
constant effort. No successful couple would be
foolish enough to say they’ve enjoyed each
other’s company one-hundred percent of the
time. What they would say, however, is that
they found a way to understand their
differences, work through the obstacles, and
strengthen their relationship in the
process.
Equality
When you were a child, you were no doubt
subjected to your parents’ rules and standards.
Even now as an adult, you have certain
authority figures you must answer to in the
workplace to ensure smooth business operations.
Outside of the office, however, equality is
essential to any successful relationship.
No couple can consider themselves partners if
they are not equal. Equality means giving and
receiving the same amount of respect. This, in
turn, feeds you commitment to support one
another and survive any difficulties in your
relationship. Listen as much as you talk, and
consider the other person’s point-of-view
before jumping to any conclusions. Make this a
regular practice, and there will be no obstacle
you two cannot overcome.
Conflict
Resolution
Equality also means healthy conflict
resolution. So many divorces have been the
result of “irreconcilable differences,” which
basically means the two parties argues (like
every couple does from time to time.) If people
were more honest with themselves, they would
admit that there was very little attempt at
resolving the differences with their partner in
a healthy manner.
The first step towards doing so is to decide
what the issue at-hand is. Make it a practice
to sit down with your mate, removing all
outside stimuli (television, radio, etc.). Take
turns discussing how the problem makes you
feel, all the while refraining from placing
blame on the other person. Once both you and
your partner have spoken and listened to each
other, it is a good idea to make a list of all
possible solutions. Together, decide what the
best course-of-action will be, and ensure that
you both follow through with it.
These six steps do not come easily, but then
again, neither do healthy relationships. But
with care and practice, you can incorporate
these actions into your everyday life, and reap
the benefits that they have to offer. Remember
that love is more than a feeling…it is also a
choice.
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